I’m going to talk to you about a rare creature which can be found out in the wild, grazing on the open plains among many similar appearing beasts. This is the single physician who has decided to remain unmarried and without kids. It is easily identified by its excess energy, vitality, and lack of bags under its eyes.
Through your binoculars you can see that this single physician is doing everything else other medical professionals are doing – living life, enjoying adventures, and trying not get bitch-slapped by medicine.
Despite what your mother says, it’s okay to not get married. Your dick won’t fall off and your ovaries won’t implode. Children are not the path to happiness. Walking down the aisle with another person will not make you less lonely. And shacking up with another person won’t immunize you again boredom.
The single physician
Hello. My name is Dr. Mo and I’m a single physician. And life is fucking awesome. Yes, I get as lonely and bored as any other normal person – no more and no less.
I have friends and I don’t have any more cooties than the married physician. I still get to date when I feel like it and have my alone time when it’s needed.
The single physician is a rare phenomenon so I thought I’d make a case for those of you who feel pressured to get hitched and pump out a few fetuses.
We are told that we’ll regret not having kids. That we will miss out on all the amazing shit there is to be enjoyed when married and in a committed relationship.
Seriously, do people still buy that commie bullshit??
Regret – look, you’ll never know what you’ll regret. Yea, maybe you shouldn’t have slept with that hooker. Maybe you should have sold your VTI in early 2018. Maybe marrying your bipolar or alcoholic partner wasn’t the best choice.
The argument many make for children is that it’s human nature to want to reproduce. Well, it’s also my male human nature to stick my D in as many V’s as possible. From experience I have learned that that’s generally a bad idea.
Sure, it’s wonderful to have offspring. A couple gets hitched and they produce 2 children – supposedly to replace themselves when they die. You know, to make sure the world doesn’t end up with no humans, because that would be such a tragedy.
Well, it doesn’t quite work that way, does it? You have the 2 adults who will coexist with the 2 tiny people for most of their life. Then the adults die and their offspring will likely have another 2.5 kids and so on. That’s one crowded ass world right there. Lots of honking on the streets as these soccer moms are doing their part to make the world a better place.
Let’s set aside overpopulation and lack of resources for the poor. Let’s ignore adoption instead of procreation and ignore the ton of resources needed to raise kids these days. And we’re definitely going to ignore the human nature thing – please!
Children bring happiness
I’m sure that children bring happiness. I see the happiness splashed across the faces of all of my fetus bearing friends who are fighting with their kids and wrangling them off to school and into PJ’s. It’s like getting a colonoscopy… in your home … 17x per day … without sedation.
Children don’t always turn out as great as you want them to. I was a fucking nightmare as a child. I beat up other kids, I stole shit, I got kicked out of schools, and did a ton of other really bad stuff that you don’t even want to read about. But seriously, right now I’m a really nice guy – just happened to be a fucking disaster as a child.
Besides being a devil seed, not all children are born healthy. You know what I’m talking about here so we’ll leave that one alone.
All said, children aren’t all that hard to have. In fact, much like poverty, getting pregnant is the norm, the standard. It’s much harder to not get pregnant and to go against your human nature and not have children.
Any soccer mom or weekend dad who wants to highlight the sacrifices they make being a parent will have a condom waved in front of them.
What about the innate nurturing thing that’s deep inside of us, lodged between the colon and the spleen? For that, you can get a dog, a cat, a plant, or become the best damn accessory parent to your nieces and nephews or to your friend’s kids.
I’m a dude so I have no idea what this ticking time bomb of a maternal drive is for women. I’ve seen it enough in action to appreciate that I don’t fully grasp it.
Is having a child just so that you don’t regret it a worthwhile reason to have a child? Dunno, haven’t figured that out yet.
Passing on your genes
Most individuals have children because they want to pass on their genes. And sadly they often want to pass on their last names. I’ve heard this multiple times from procreating friends. The DMV can’t even pronounce my last name right – fuck that.
Other selfish reasons include preempting loneliness later in life. I mean, will your kids really stick around when you’re older? You sent them off to school most of their life and used a nanny and other family members to raise them the rest of the time. Where is this supposed allegiance which you envision?
Watching how parents, especially moms, try to control their kids and the fucking mind games they play with them, that’s another reason why I doubt the noble intentions of procreation. Go get a dog dude, it’s easier to pick a fight with a chow chow than a teenager.
Marriage and relationships
Loneliness is a terrible feeling, no doubt. And as humans we are social creatures – at least most of us. So it’s natural to want to be with someone else in a predictable relationship – not a monogamous one, I highly doubt that most would choose monogamy over stability.
I always dated for the sake of finding someone with whom I could “settle down” with. But for whatever reason that never panned out for me. That’s not a failure necessarily, just that I wasn’t willing to settle.
In fact, I was married for a short minute and it wasn’t my jam. We weren’t happy together and divorce was the right decision for both of us. We’re still friends to this day with no hard feelings – possibly thanks to a premarital agreement.
It is harder meeting people as you get older but that depends on your social circle and where you live. Regardless of your ability to meet new people when you get older, settling for someone in marriage or other monogamous commitment out of fear of loneliness might backfire.
I have a relationship with my friends and my family. I’ve had them with significant others as well but that I didn’t have to be limited to that.
A relationship helps me grow and fills a void that’s there as a human being. Sometimes you develop a relationship with a person who then becomes your significant other and other times you don’t – so you break up.
There are also many circumstances where you get into a relationship with someone and things change – you change, they change. That relationship for some reason no longer feels right.
For the life of me I can’t understand why we cannot exit a relationship as haphazardly as we entered it. It’s that sense of loss or blow to the ego maybe.
I can’t talk about marriage and relationships without discussing loneliness. It’s as feared of a word has herpes. But loneliness isn’t a chronic feeling unless you’re depressed or truly missing something substantial in your life.
Another human being attached to you at the hip won’t make you feel less lonely. Ever been in a relationship and felt lonely? What’s worse, being single and feeling lonely or being in a relationship and feeling alone? Most of you know the answer.
Being single means you can date though you don’t have to. It’s perfectly fine to just be single and socialize with friends and family.
Everyone says that dating is hard. Agreed, traditional dating can be a nightmare. For those of us who look like Ryan Gosling, it’s probably not that hard to break that initial barrier. The rest of us who look like Gosling’s ass, it’s going to take a little more work.
But, many have opted out of traditional dating. In more progressive communities it’s common to see people making friends first, socializing with those individuals, and then deciding whether they want to take it to the next level.
What’s more taboo, talking about sex or money? I say sex. I have no shame talking about sex or money because it’s as natural to me as breathing.
Many have a ridiculous fear or STD’s which is why they prefer sex with a single partner. But let me tell you, it’s not that easy to catch an STD. And many individuals out there are careful enough to not contract it in the first place.
For others it’s intimacy. They cannot have sex with a person unless there is a connection. Well, for that we have come up with fuck-buddies – a person with whom you have a sexual connection because you trust them in other aspects as well.
Finally, for those who are ready to step up their game there are escorts. I don’t have any personal experience in this arena, yet. I didn’t know this until I looked it up, but escorts are basically sex workers – so, a little red tape there. You’re clever, I’m sure you can figure out the who roses thing.
Here, again, the 2 sexes seem a little different. My guy friends have no problem with engaging in sex with multiple partners. My female friends seem a lot more cautious. That said, gentlemen, it’s really not hard to get sex if that’s a concern of remaining a single physician.
Boredom deserves its own category. Boredom is normal. Trying desperately to rid yourself of boredom is futile.
The good news is that boredom is a fleeting emotion. I can’t be bored writing this blog post which is already 1,500 words long. I can’t be bored rock climbing. I can’t be bored when I have tons of fun renovation projects I’m considering for the condo.
But, it’s perfectly normal to feel waves of boredom come over you when you’re between tasks. When you’re not feeling like starting a new blog post, when you’re not wanting to go to the gym, and when you’re not in the mood to put on your wig to go to the bar.
These are the silences between scenes in your life. Don’t fight them, let them be there. Once the boredom passes you should have 1,200 things you want to get to and realize how quickly the days and weeks will pass you by.
A relationship or marriage might generate a longer to-do list. There might be less downtime to get bored. But I guarantee you that you’ll be bored. In fact, being in a relationship means making sacrifices. It means hanging out with your fucked up ghetto-rich in-laws. Fortunately for that we invented alcohol.
Single physician lifestyle
Many won’t get your single physician lifestyle and maybe even hate on you a little.
They’ll push you to get married, have kids, get a big house, drive a nice car, and take expensive vacations.
What?? You haven’t been to Bali?? You’re a doctor, you have to go to Bali!! You haven’t hiked the Pikachu trail?? Look, I have photos!
I’m single and have been single for most of my adult life. I’ve had a few relationships here and there but they never worked out. As a perpetual single physician I can assure you that life is fucking awesome.
I’m at Coffee Time in NW Portland right now enjoying my black coffee, writing this awesome post, working on another exciting project, chatting it up with my barista friends, and I have nowhere to be next.
I don’t have to hang out with my partner’s friends.
I don’t have to visit in-laws for TG.
I don’t have to take my fetuses to ballet practice.
I don’t have to figure out which school my kids will attend next.
I don’t have to crawl into a crowded bed with my flatulent partner.
There are no hairs clogging up my drain.
No makeup collection taking up all the sink real estate.
I can get up in the middle of the night and write and blast music.
I can stay out as late as I want.
I can plan a trip to Spain without having to run it by another person.
Planning your singlehood
Now, being a single physician and denying yourself normal human experiences isn’t good either. As I mentioned, we crave socializing with people whom we are close to.
Make friends with those who share your interests. If you’re the mushroom foraging type then go find other such weird individuals and have your fungus orgy.
It’s good to come up with lots of hobbies and projects. If you get bored, you know what to turn to. And you’ll have certain individuals who are into it and you can hang out with them.
Of course, one of the best things about being a single physician is that you’ll be able to accumulate wealth at a much faster rate and so you can be financially independent that much faster.
This means that you can start working remotely as a telemedicine doctor or just live off of your investments far sooner than others. Now you are no longer tied to a certain address. You can go visit your homies in other states or countries and work remotely from there.
I just spend the most awesome week with a friend in Oakland, California. We hung out, went to the gym together, cooked together, recorded a podcast together, and talked business. I was able to do my consulting work and some Just Answer work remotely.
You’re not alone
When you’re married you tend to roll in similar circles. It’s not as common to have single friends because their lifestyles are just different.
As a single dude in his 40’s, most of my acquaintances are in ‘serious’ relationships, married, or have kids. But there are other single people out there whom I socialize with.
It’s exciting to make friends with other single individuals who have the same level of freedom as you. My buddy G. and I remained single long after we finished residency together and have taken some amazing SEA trips together.
Not only are you not alone, but you don’t have to be single forever. If you choose to dabble in a little relationship, you can. It’s like taking a mini-retirement. You try it, and if it works out, great. If it doesn’t, you have your awesome single physician life to fall back on.